


The simple Pleasure of a Hand to hold

by Schattengestalt



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Asexual Character, Couch Cuddles, First Kiss, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, Post-Episode AU: s03e13 Last of the Time Lords, Relationship Negotiation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:48:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25463500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Schattengestalt/pseuds/Schattengestalt
Summary: Jack loves the Doctor and the Doctor loves Jack. It should be simple and yet, it never is, when it comes to these two.Jack squeezed his eyes shut, when he considered the possibility, that the Doctor wasn't giving Jack a chance to show his love for him, because he didn't want it. And why would he? He was the last of the Time Lords and Jack was...wrong.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor & Jack Harkness, Tenth Doctor/Jack Harkness
Comments: 8
Kudos: 91





	The simple Pleasure of a Hand to hold

**Author's Note:**

> The idea to this story just wouldn't leave me alone, so I finally wrote it down. I hope you enjoy it. Let me know, what you think. :)

### The simple Pleasure of a Hand to hold

"How are you doing, beautiful? Has the Doctor been taking good care of you?"

The Doctor smiled down at the wires he was reconnecting when the hum of the TARDIS changed from slightly annoyed to deeply pleased. Obviously even his ship wasn't immune to Jack's flirting. That or she had grown extremely fond of the ex-Time Agent. Probably a mixture of both, the Doctor decided and let out a huff of breath when he finally managed to reconnect the wires to the main console.

"No more missing a destination by a few decades," the Doctor announced proudly. It had been rather annoying when he had aimed for the 33th century on Asteria X37 and ended up in the 37th century, instead. Which wouldn't have been a problem if that hadn't also meant landing in the middle of a revolution. Jack had died at least five times before they had managed to help the revolutionists to overthrow the dictatorship. It had certainly been less often than Jack had died while on board of the Valiant but it had still set the Doctor's nerves on edge. Not only because it was still a strange sensation to feel time ripple around Jack whenever he came back to life but also because... he hated to see his friend die. It didn't matter that Jack always came back to life, it always felt like a stab to his hearts when his friend stopped breathing. If the Doctor had anything to say about the matter at all, Jack would never die again but then...

A piercing pain shot through his hand when the TARDIS gave him the electric equivalent of a slap and the Doctor glared at her wiring. "If you weren't so moody and would just let me work then... Ouch!"

"Doctor." A pair of warm hands came to rest on his shoulders. "Why don't you give it a rest?" Jack's fingers dug into his flesh and the Doctor barely managed to suppress a happy sigh when they started to massage his tense muscles. He still must have shown his appreciating for Jack's massaging technique going by the smirk he could hear in his friend's voice when he spoke next. "If you think that's good then just imagine what my hands would feel elsewhere on your body." 

"Damn warm, I imagine," the Doctor returned drily, "You humans are absolute furnaces."

"Not exactly what I meant, but now that you mentioned it, I really wonder how the difference in body temperature would affect the experience." The Doctor could feel the heat of Jack's body even through two layers of clothing when his friend leaned closer against his back. Humans were so warm. Unbearable warm, the Doctor would have said only a few years ago, but now he could only scoff at how wrong his younger self had been. While he sometimes still had to remind himself that he didn't need to worry about his friend, when it felt like he was burning up inwardly - which would have been true for a Time Lord running such a high temperature - he couldn't deny how nice it felt to be engulfed in such warmth. Still, this certainly wasn't a train of thought he was going to share with Jack, if he didn't want his friend to jump him right here and now, in the console room.

"I could take you to Xarrcotica," the Doctor offered as thoughtful as possible, "The species is humanoid in appearance and they have a body temperature of about 14 degrees. I am sure they would also enjoy the experience..."

"No thanks." Jack's voice sounded amused, even as the Doctor noted an undertone he couldn't quite place. "I am only interested in one cold blooded being."

"I am not cold blooded," the Doctor protested, "If I was..."

"You would be immobile after sitting here, for hours on end, without a heat source around," Jack retorted with a chuckle and gave the Doctor's shoulder a final squeeze before removing his hands completely.

The Doctor mourned the loss of Jack's touch inwardly but forced himself to focus back on his work. He still needed to reattach a few wires that had come loose during their last landing, although it was obvious from the annoyed hum of the TARDIS that she didn't like the idea. Oh well, it wasn't like he couldn't heal his burns in the med-bay, later. He was just reaching for his sonic screwdriver, when a hand around his wrist stopped his movements. Jack's grip wasn't tight and the Doctor could have shaken him off without troubles, but instead he glanced over his shoulder, at his friend with a raised eyebrow. 

"Let our girl have her beauty sleep, before she burns you to a pile of ashes."

"She wouldn't dare." The Doctor glared meaningful at the console, but received the telepathic equivalent of a "Dare me" from the TARDIS. "Well she might try but... Hey!" The Doctor sprung around and up on his feet after Jack had taken his Sonic out of his hand and was now waving it in front of the Doctor, while dancing out of his reach. Clever boy.

"Jack, give me back my screwdriver." As hard as he tried the Doctor could only manage a half-hearted glare when Jack waggled his eyebrows at him suggestively. "Or what?"

"Or I will leave you on a deserted planet until you see reason." As soon as the words had left his mouth, the Doctor wanted to take them back. But it was too late. The cheeky grin fell from Jack's lips and all the colour drained from his face, at the same time. "Wouldn't be the first time," Jack muttered tonelessly and tossed the screwdriver at the Doctor. "Just give me some warning the next time around, so that I can pack a few things."

The Doctor pressed his lips into a tight line, to keep himself from making the situation even worse by saying the wrong thing - again. Why did he always screw these things up? He couldn't even engage in innocent banter with his friend, without hurting him. Sometimes he truly wondered why Jack was here. Not only why he had agreed to travel with the Doctor again, in the first place, but also why eight months down the line, he was still here. Of course, the Doctor knew the reason, although he ignored it as best as he could. After all, there couldn't be a potential partner worse suited for Jack than him - and not only because he managed to hurt his friend, every so often, with his careless remarks. 

"I think I will re-watch the 3077 remake of Lord of the Rings... if you don't want me off the TARDIS, right now." The Doctor flinched slightly at the angry tone although he was glad at the same time. Anger, he could deal with. Anger was better than the devastation and hurt, that had been mirrored in Jack's eyes only seconds ago. He ignored the last part of Jack's statement completely and pocketed the screwdriver, before nodding encouragingly at his friend. "You get the movie, I will make the popcorn."

Instead of springing into action right away though, Jack only threw the Doctor a sceptical look. "So, not going to throw me out, are you?"

There were a lot of ways to answer this question, reaching from the slightly sarcastic "Not until we are at least thousand feet above ground" to the absolutely sappy - and true - "I will never throw you out of your home, Jack." But in the end the Doctor decided on a more playful approach. "And give up my favourite pillow. Not bloody likely!"

Judging by the grin that broke out on Jack's face, it had been the right thing to say. The Doctor relaxed, when the cheeky gleam returned to Jack's eyes. "You know if you like being on top so much we could..."

"Jack," the Doctor warned with a chuckle and a grin. The expression only vanished from his face, after Jack had left the console room with a mock salute to get the movie running. Jack's comment had only been half a joke. The Doctor knew that his friend would never push the matter, but if he ever gave the smallest indication that he was interested in Jack's offer then... that would end in a catastrophe.

A sigh fell from the Doctor's lips, as he wandered into the kitchen to prepare the popcorn and grab some of the fizzy drinks, from their last trip to the largest Arcade planet, in the whole known universe. His TARDIS hummed comfortingly at him and the Doctor managed a small smile and stroked her walls in thanks. It wouldn't do any good to show his inner turmoil to Jack. His friend would only wonder what was wrong and considering that the Doctor could never tell him the truth, without losing him forever, he would have to lie. Seeing that Jack had got pretty good at telling when he was lying, that would end in another argument and... No!

The Doctor grabbed the snacks and drinks and straightened his shoulders. He would stop thinking along these lines, right now. Instead, he would enjoy a quiet evening with Jack. After all. there was no telling how many more of these he would be allowed to have, before he would inevitably screw up and lose everything dear to him, again.

OOO

Jack sat back on the couch and stared at the TV screen, that showed the title of the movie, without really seeing. God, one could think that, after everything that had happened in the last twenty months - including the year that never was - Jack would have got over his fear of the Doctor abandoning him... again. And he had truly believed that he had. At least now, when they got separated on a planet, Jack didn't fear that the TARDIS had vanished, by the time he made it back to her. Obviously though, Jack had only fooled himself into thinking that he had managed to deal with his abandonment issues. Otherwise he wouldn't have reacted so badly, when the Doctor had joked about leaving him behind. And that was all it had been: a joke.  
Jack could see this in retrospect, but at the time...

Jack shuddered and slung his arms around his middle, to ward off the cold chill that had suddenly crept into his bones. The words had hurt more than the one time he had been split open with an axe and left to die, with his intensities leaking out of his body. And Jack had done the only thing, he knew to do, in such a situation, he had shot back with his own hurtful words, knowing full well, that they would hit the Doctor right into his hearts. It had been a low blow, considering how sorry the Doctor had been for leaving him behind in the first place. At least, he had been, after they had burned the Master's body and got a chance to talk things out. Or at least, they had talked things out, as best as they knew how. The Doctor wasn't known for opening up and sharing his feelings and Jack... usually preferred other methods, to show his feelings. Methods he hadn't got the chance to use, because the Doctor kept rebuffing his every attempt at flirting. Oh sure, he was flirting back in his own unique way, which left no doubt in Jack's mind, that the Doctor wasn't interested in him like this.  
And it was fine, it truly was. No matter though, that it limited Jack's options of showing the Doctor just how much he meant to him. Or maybe, that was why all of his advances were rebuffed.

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, when he considered the possibility, that the Doctor wasn't giving Jack a chance to show his love for him, because he didn't want it. And why would he? He was the last of the Time Lords and Jack was... wrong. He let out a shaking breath and pushed back the memories of that particular conversation. God, he hated when he got like this. Jack had never been good at dealing with self-doubts and insecurities. But he got confronted with them constantly, during his travels with the Doctor.

"I have popcorn." The quiet voice from the doorway startled Jack. And when he looked at the Doctor, he was met with a worried look. "You alright?"

"Of course." Jack plastered his brightest smile onto his face and unfolded his arms to lean invitingly back against the cushions. "Just a bit cold is all."

Thankfully, the Doctor refrained from pointing out that the TARDIS kept a constant, comfortable temperature and simply accepted Jack's obvious lie with a nod. A few seconds later the snack and drinks had been placed on the table, in front of them and the Doctor was hovering next to the couch. Jack only rolled his eyes at him and patted his thigh in invitation. "You know you want to." He leered at the Doctor, who only snorted at the innuendo. "Quite right. No real TV evening, without my favourite pillow."

Jack kept the smirk on his face in place, until the Doctor's head was comfortably bedded on his thigh, before he allowed a gentler smile to take its place. "I really like it, when you get so pliant. If you would only choose to wear less than three layers of clothing now..."

"Less talking, more massaging." The Doctor grabbed Jack's hand to place it in his hair. "And start the movie."

Jack laughed inwardly, even as he did as the Doctor had told him. Soon, he was more focused on the feel of the Doctor's soft hair, under his hand, than on the movie. No matter how often he was allowed to see the Doctor so relaxed, while held securely in Jack's loose embrace, it still felt like a small miracle to him. And seeing how this tradition had started, it might as well be one.

"You want to watch a movie?!" The Doctor sounded like Jack had suggested they shower in acid rain. Seeing, as they had done exactly that, only a couple of hours ago and had just healed from the burns, that was quite discouraging. Or it would have been, for anyone other than Jack Harkness. 

He wasn't going to give up on an enjoyable evening, in front of the TV. It didn't matter, how often the Doctor insisted, that they should just write the experience off as annoying and go somewhere else. His latest suggestion had been to travel to some planet. that was known for harbouring five of the most poisonous plants, known in this universe. Not that Jack would have minded - although he was sure he would die a couple of times during such a trip - but right now, neither one of them needed any more adventures. They were both exhausted and sore from the last adventure and they needed a break. Nevermind that the Doctor would never admit to it. Indeed said Time Lord was already pushing buttons on the console of the TARDIS, again. Dead set to continue as if they both were completely fine. That was, at least until the TARDIS showed her displeasure, by giving the Doctor a stinging electric shock.

"Why are you..." Curses that Jack couldn't understand - probably in Gallifrayen - sounded, while the Doctor attempted to stir his stubborn time ship. Three electric shocks later - Jack had kept count - the Doctor huffed in defeat, even as he glared at the wall of the TARDIS. "Fine then have it your way." He turned to Jack with a scowl on his face, that would have had lesser men ran for their lives. "You better find a brilliant movie to make this worth my while."

"I could think of other ways to make it worth your while."

"Be my guest to die in the most amusing way , that you can think of," the Doctor shot back. The words were like a fist to the gut and Jack felt all the blood drain from his face. The Master had loved to find amusing ways to kill Jack. And by amusing ,he had meant the most painful and - or - humiliating way possible, for a human die. Jack swallowed hard and pushed back the memory of getting impaled by a stake. It had even been worse than getting slowly boiled in oil.

"Jack." He jumped a little when a hand landed on his shoulder. His body tensed in preparation for the pain, that it expected to come. It only took him a second, to shake off his first reaction, but by then the Doctor had already noticed it. Brown eyes fell and Jack was treated to the sight of remorse, written all over the Doctor's face. "I am sorry, I shouldn't have..." A frustrated sigh fell from the Doctor's lips and he rubbed his neck, with his free hand. A sure sign that he was nervous and out of his depth. "I didn't want to make light of your dying."

"It's fine." Jack forced his lips to turn upwards, in what he hoped would pass as a smile. "Not like it sticks."

"Even though I..." The Doctor sighed and whatever he had been about to say, was dismissed in exchange for a far too brilliant smile. "A movie sounds good. Your pick. I will get some snacks."

By now Jack had learned to pick his battles and therefore he didn't remark on what had been left unsaid. He simply added it to the pile of unspoken words ,that had amassed between the Doctor and him and then went to hunt down a movie. Maybe the evening would turn out better than it had started in the end.

OOO

Jack should have known better than to hope for the impossible. Sighing inwardly he stared at the screen of the TV, before his eyes flickered to the Doctor who sat next to him on the couch. Well, if you could call it next to him, when the Doctor was sitting on the opposite end of the couch. There was no way he could get more distance between them, without falling off.  
Jack stared back at the screen, without taking in anything of the movie, for another five minutes before he sighed in defeat. "I will just go then, shall I?"

"Why? First you suggest watching a movie and now you are just going to leave?"

"I suggested that we watch a movie together." Jack put special emphasis on the last word, but was only met with incredulous look from the Doctor. "If I am not completely mistaken, then we are both sitting in front of the TV, where a movie is playing. We have even got snacks." The Doctor gestured to the crisps and popcorn on the table.

"And yet we could as well be in different rooms. In fact," Jack gave the Doctor a sad smile, "I assume you would be more comfortable if we were in different rooms, right?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" The Doctor had the nerve to raise an eyebrow at him. "I am plenty comfortable."

"You are still wearing your coat and you are huddled in the corner of the couch, like you are afraid of getting near me." A thought struck Jack and his heart sank even further as he considered it. "My presence is still hurting you, isn't it?"

A sad chuckle fell from his lips, before he could stop the sound from emerging, but it was at least better than the sob, that was lodged in his throat. "You only needed to say so." Jack stared down at the hands in his lap. He didn't know why he hadn't considered that possibility sooner. Just because the Doctor had asked him to travel with him again, didn't mean that he had suddenly overcome his dislike for what Jack was. He had probably only offered, because he had felt sorry for Jack, after what the Master had done to him. Maybe, he had even hoped that Jack would decline. No matter, that there had been no chance in hell, that Jack would have rejected the Doctor's offer, to join him on board of the TARDIS, once more. Not even the thought, that it would probably only be for a short period of time, had diminished his joy upon being with the Doctor again. Still, he had hoped for more than only one month together, when he had stepped over the threshold, into the TARDIS. But now, that he knew how much his presence still disgusted the Doctor, he couldn't very well stay. Nevermind that the thought of leaving the TARDIS - his home - hurt like hell, he couldn't stay if his mere presence hurt his friend.

Jack took a deep breath in preparation of telling the Doctor to take him back to Cardiff, when something nudged his arm. "What?" He glanced at the Doctor, who had quietly made his way over to him and who was now pushing against his arm. "Lift."

Without a second thought - too used to following the Doctor's orders - Jack did as he was told and gaped in shock a second later, when the Doctor's head came to rest on his thigh. He shifted a bit until he was comfortable and facing in the direction of the screen, before he grew still.

Jack could only sit there and stare at the Doctor, in absolute disbelief. They didn't do this. Well, they had cuddled on the couch before, but that had been over a century ago for Jack. Besides, back then Rose had still been with them. Not to mention, that the Doctor hadn't worn a trench coat, at the time, but a leather jacket, although right now he was in his shirt sleeves, only. Jack glanced down the length of the couch, until he found the discarded coat and suit jacket, lying in the middle of it.

"Doc," he started but was interrupted by an impatient huff. "Put your arm back down before it falls off." Jack blinked and slowly lowered his arm to rest on the Doctor's shoulder, careful not to put too much pressure onto it.

"For Rassilon's sake!" The Doctor grabbed his arm and arranged it to his liking, which meant that it ended up slung over the Doctor, with the hand resting on his chest. They remained like this for some tense minutes, before the Doctor huffed out another annoyed breath. "I guess that it should be clear enough to you, but with apes one can never be too sure," he turned his head slightly to meet Jack's gaze, "Your presence doesn't hurt me. It only took some getting used to it, is all. So don't get any stupid ideas, about leaving, into your head. The TARDIS would be in a huff for years. The old girl is really fond of you."

Most of the tension drained from Jack's body, at the words and he even dared to place his free hand in the Doctor's hair and - when no complaint was forthcoming - stroked it gently. "And you?"

"Mhm?"

"Would you be in a huff, as well?"

"Don't be stupid," the Doctor muttered and Jack smiled wryly at that. It wasn't the answer he had hoped for, but it was certainly better than nothing. And considering that he had a Time Lord in his arms, he really couldn't complain. Maybe, there was still reason to hope after all.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

Jack blinked a few times and pushed the memories of their, almost catastrophic, first movie night out of his head, to focus back on the present. He had apparently stopped his petting of the Doctor's hair, while revisiting the past. At least, that was the only reason Jack could think of, as to why his friend was glowering back over his shoulder, at him.

"You are really bossy," Jack chuckled and ran his hands through the soft strands of hair, again. He got a purr in response and a mortified look a second later. A grin broke out on Jack's face, at such a reaction. "You know you could have just said," Jack teased lightly.

For a second there was silence, while the Doctor obviously fought against his own curiosity, before he admitted defeat. "Said what?"

"That you like pet play." Jack rubbed gently behind the Doctor's right ear and forced himself to keep a serious expression, although he was barely keeping it together. "I know a nice shop, where we could get you some cat ears - not real ones, don't worry - and a tail. They have all kind of tails, but the real important thing isn't how it looks, but if you prefer the other end to be small or big. "

"Jack!" There was a strained note in the Doctor's voice and when Jack looked down at him, it was easy to make out the tense lines in his friend's face. Oh, obviously he had taken it a little too far this time. "Sorry," Jack murmured earnestly and leaned down to press a kiss to the Doctor's head, before he could think better of it. "I got carried away. I won't tease you again."  
Jack held his breath, while a variety of emotions played across the Doctor's face. For a moment, he feared that he had ruined the evening, with his stupid comments and that the Doctor would bolt from the room, as fast as possible. After a few more tense seconds though, the Doctor relaxed once more and laid his head back down on Jack's thigh.

"I don't expect anything else from you." The teasing note put Jack's mind at ease, although he couldn't help, but wonder what he should make of the sad edge, he had heard in the Doctor's voice, just now. He could ask, of course, but there was no chance, that he would get a straight answer. With an inward sigh, Jack decided to leave the matter be - it was probably nothing anyway - and continued to pet the Doctor's hair, while watching the movie and wishing that they could always be like this. 

OOO

"Did you see their faces?!" The Doctor didn't even try to hide his amusement, as he grinned at Jack, after they were safely back in the TARDIS. Not that they had been in any danger today - which was rare enough. Still, the gentle hum of his ship was much more comfortable than the wild partying that was going on outside, right now. Who would have thought, that all the people of the 47th Earth colony, in the 33th century, would need was a lecture on reproductive biology from them?! Not even the Doctor had thought, that the explanation for the declination of the birth rate, on the planet, would be, that the colonists didn't know how sex worked. Only Jack's flirting and some well placed comments had revealed, that some sex education was needed. 

"You were brilliant," the Doctor announced to Jack and almost stumbled back over his own feet, when he realised that Jack had been standing right behind him. "Jack, don't give me a heart attack. It's rather messy business with two hearts and... Yikes!" The Doctor felt his own eyes widen, when soft lips claimed his in, what could only be described, as a chaste kiss. He should have expected Jack to make his move, one of these days, and now... he had to admit that he rather liked it. Closing his eyes, the Doctor brought his arms up and around Jack's back and relaxed further when strong arms, encircled him in return.

Jack was always warm. Warm and safe and the Doctor found himself returning the tender kiss in kind. A simple dance of lips. Nothing to fancy and yet, the Doctor found himself enjoying the action more than he would have thought possible. Even when tongues were added into the mix, the Doctor couldn't find any fault in it. Actually, it was rather nice to taste Jack like this. To learn a little more about this unique man.

The Doctor could have continued kissing Jack for ages, but like was with all good things, they eventually came to an end. Not that the Doctor thought, that ending things had been on Jack's mind, when his hand had grabbed his arse and pushed their body's together. The opposite had rather been on Jack's mind. The Doctor was certain of it and he stiffened for exactly that reason, when Jack's unmistakable erection was pressed against his thigh. Before he could so much as consider his options, the Doctor had already brought his hands up between them and pushed Jack away from him.

"Doc, what...?"

"I don't want you." Like this, the Doctor added inwardly, but didn't say. And what difference would it have made, when Jack's face was already falling and pain was swimming in his eyes. Pain, that the Doctor had caused - again. Thankfully the Doctor wasn't forced to endure the look of hurt and disappointment, in Jack's eyes for long, since it was replaced by one of anger, a second later.

"Fine with me," Jack snapped and grabbed his coat, that he had thrown over the railing, only minutes ago, "I will just find someone, who does then. The people here can certainly use some more private lessons." He marched towards the door of the TARDIS, his head held high, but when the Doctor was already convinced that the confrontation was over, Jack turned back around and delivered the final blow. "No need to wait for me, seeing as you don't want me." The handsome face was pinched. "I am sure, I won't get bored, for at least a hundred years, here."

The Doctor opened his mouth to reply, but no sound left his lips and, with a last bitter smile, Jack stepped out of the TARDIS and closed the door behind him. Only when the Doctor was certain that he wouldn't come back, did he sink down on the jump seat and took a shuddering breath. He had fucked up royally, this time. Jack had never before threatened to leave the TARDIS - to leave him \- but now, he had obviously had enough of him. The Doctor rubbed his eyes tiredly and glanced at the console, but a warning hum from the TARDIS told him, that he shouldn't even think of running away. Okay, so he would wait here for Jack and if his friend wasn't back in a couple of days, he would go out and find him. Yes, the Doctor nodded to himself, he would find Jack and drag him back to the TARDIS and then...

Cold sweat started to gather on the Doctor's forehead, even as he tried to get his body back under control. Time Lord's didn't break out in cold sweat. Well, maybe if they had to face down a few Dalek battleships, but certainly not over such insignificant matters. Only, it wasn't insignificant to the Doctor and he doubted that it would be to Jack, either. His lungs burned, when he took a shaking breath, before his respiratory bypass could kick in and the TARDIS hummed comfortingly around him.

"It's going to be only us again, my girl," the Doctor spoke aloud to his ship and smiled grimly, when he felt a denial from his oldest companion. "No need to pretend otherwise." The Doctor shook his head with a sad sigh. He had hoped - selfishly - that he could keep Jack a little longer. There was so much he still wanted to show his friend, so many adventures that were still ahead of them... adventures, that would never happen now. Not after the Doctor had told Jack the truth.

He ran a shaking hand through his hair. Of course, he could also lie, but he didn't see how it would help. Maybe Jack would travel a little longer with him, but their friendship would be based on a lie. There certainly wouldn't be any more cuddles in front of the TV and the Doctor would rather end it now, with good memories still fresh in both their minds, instead of after months or years of tension. And it would end, the Doctor had no doubt about that. He couldn't give Jack what he desired, so why should his friend stay? No, he would leave - insist that the Doctor take him back to Cardiff - and never look back. It was what they all did, after all - at least the companions, that he managed not to get killed. They left him.

A shaky breath, that sounded embarrassingly like a sob, escaped the Doctor's lips before he pressed them together into a thin line. No crying or breaking down. Not now. Not before it was all over and he was alone again. The Doctor leaned his head back and stared up at the ceiling of his beloved TARDIS. He should really be used to it by now. It shouldn't hurt to be left by people, he cared about, but it did. It did, so very much.

OOO

Jack couldn't hold back the sigh of relief, that escaped his lips when he pushed the door of the TARDIS open and was welcomed by a happy hum. After a couple of hours of letting off some steam by joining in the spontaneous festivities on the planet, Jack had calmed down enough to realise what he had done. His run back to the TARDIS had been a blur and his heart was still pounding in his chest, when he closed the door behind him. God, getting angry at the Doctor for rejecting him was one thing, but telling him to leave him behind... that was beyond stupid. Not only because Jack would have got bored in about a few months on this planet - despite his claims otherwise - but also because it was unfair towards the Time Lord. It wasn't like Jack had ever held out much hope that the Doctor would return his feelings and after living for hundreds of years, Jack should have learned that a kiss didn't have to mean anything.

God, he had behaved like a stupid school boy, whose crush had declined to be his date for Saturday night. Jack just hoped that they could put this episode past them and keep on travelling like before. If he had ruined what they had together, Jack would never forgive himself and that was a long time, coming from him.

"Jack."

He jumped at the well-known voice, when the Doctor stepped up from behind the console. He must have been really out of it today, if he hadn't noticed his friend's presence until now.

"Doctor," Jack crossed the room between them and came to stand a few feet away from the Doctor. Some physical distance seemed appropriate right now. "I am sorry."

Surprise flickered over the Doctor's features, before it was replaced by a tired look, that showed more than anything just how old the Time Lord really was. "You don't need to apologize, Jack. If anything, I am the one who owes you an apology."

Stunned silence followed the Doctor's unexpected words, until Jack managed to get his mouth to cooperate with him again. "No need to apologize, Doc. You can't help it if you don't return my... if you don't love me like I love you." There, Jack had finally said it. No more beating around the bush, when they both knew exactly how he felt for the Doctor, no matter how oblivious the Time Lord pretended to be. Still, Jack couldn't do anything against the heat that rose in his cheeks at the confession, especially not when intense, brown eyes were trained on him, like they were looking right into his soul.

"But I do."

"What?" Jack shook his head, certain that he had misheard. Wishful thinking or some hallucinogen in the food and drink he had consumed. There was no other explanation for...

"I love you too."

Jack squeezed his eyes shut and pinched himself hard, but it was of no use. The scene didn't change. The Doctor was still looking at him with a mixture of defeat and longing. Jack swallowed hard once, because nothing made sense anymore. If the Doctor loved him, like he claimed, then why had he pushed him away? Was his friend punishing himself by denying himself what he truly wanted? The explanation sounded more likely than Jack would have liked. The Doctor was prone to punishing himself for all the wrongs - real or imagined - he had done in his life. Jack was just about to ask, when the Doctor opened his mouth to start on what Jack believed to be ramblings, at first, before he started to pay closer attention to his friend's words.

"You see, Jack, Time Lords were loomed. No undignified activities necessary to reproduce... by which I mean intercourse. Not that it didn't still happen, although having sex was certainly discouraged, because it was seen as a leftover urge, from more barbaric times. Pursuing knowledge and contributing to the greatness of Gallifrey was encouraged. As long as the knowledge was theoretical of course. My people weren't much for exploring the universe. One reason why I was always considered an outsider and a disappointment, although they might have found that I was perfect in other ways." The Doctor rubbed his neck self-consciously. "Not that I ever told them - didn't think it would make much of a difference. In fact I am sure that I never shared this bit with anyone else before, although there might have been someone to whom I mentioned it once, but I didn't think she got it and...

"Doc," Jack interrupted, torn between exasperation and amusement, "What is it you want to tell me?"

"I am asexual." The words hung between them in the air, the silence only filled by the gentle hum of the TARDIS. "I always have been," the Doctor ran his fingers through his hair and messed it up completely, "No interest in sex at all, in any of my former bodies. Of course, some bodies of mine were more tactile than others or minded sex less, while the mere thought of anything sexual was completely repulsive to some of my regenerations. Not that it's of any importance to you." A bitter laugh fell from the Doctor's lips and he turned back towards the console. "Do you want to go back to Cardiff or do you finally have enough of Torchwood? I know a few nice planets were you could...

"Doctor!" Jack finally managed to get a word in between the Doctor's rambling, by gripping his friend's shoulder and startling him into silence. "I don't want to go to Cardiff - at least not for more than a few days to check up on my team - and I certainly don't intend to stay on some other planet. At least not if I have a choice." Insecurity settled like an icy lump in Jack's throat, but he forced himself to carry on. "If you still want to have me with you, then I'll stay right here, on the TARDIS, for as long as I am welcome."

The Doctor turned slowly and stared at him in surprised disbelief. "I just told you that I am asexual."

Jack only rolled his eyes at that. "You also told me that you love me or was that a lie?"

To Jack's immense relief the Doctor shook his head. "No, but... I will never want to have sex with you."

Jack wondered if it was possible to get your eyes stuck by rolling them too hard. He was certainly putting it to the test right now. "I gathered as much." Really, it wasn't too complicated a concept. Sexuality in all its forms was openly discussed - and lived - in the 51th century. Asexuality was just as normal as living in an open relationship with four partners of different species - although it wasn't as common.

"And you... still want to stay with me?" Jack couldn't remember the last time, that he had seen the Doctor look so insecure and yet so hopeful at the same time. "Although I can't give you anything?"

God, Jack wanted to slap himself - hard. He had truly overdone it with the flirting and innuendos, if the Doctor believed that he had only wanted to get into his pants. Time to rectify this. "You already give me a lot of things, Doc." Jack rubbed his hand up and down the Doctor's arm in a soothing gesture. "All of time and space for example. And not to mention a home." Jack's smile softened when the TARDIS hummed warmly around him. "Something, I haven't had in a long time. I have stayed for less and yet you still keep giving me more. First your friendship and trust and now your love as well. I can't ask for more, Doc."

Jack watched as the Doctor's Adam's apple popped up and down when he swallowed. "And you, Jack," the Doctor murmured with a traitorous sheen in his eyes, before he leaned forward and kissed his lips gently.

"So kissing is fine?" Jack whispered, so as not to break the moment, when the Doctor finally leaned against him and he was free to enclose him in his arms.

"Kissing is brilliant," the Doctor agreed and leaned more heavily against Jack. "Just like cuddling and hugging."

"Brilliant," Jack repeated the Doctor's favourite word and placed his lips reverently on the Doctor's forehead. He could live with that, as long as he was allowed to hold the Doctor in his arms.

OOO

The Doctor woke with a start. There was no questioning what had woken him, in the middle of the TARDIS' night cycle. The other side of the bed was empty. Not cold though, the Doctor realised when he felt the space that Jack had vacated. They had started sharing a bed a couple of days, after their heartfelt conversation, that had ended so differently than the Doctor had feared. Not that they slept together every night, seeing as neither of them needed much sleep, but the Doctor found himself snuggled against Jack more often than not. It was good, brilliant even. At least, it was for him.

With an exasperated sigh, the Doctor slipped out of bed and trusted the TARDIS to lead him to Jack. It looked like there was still one conversation they needed to have. Jack didn't look up when the Doctor entered the kitchen, but kept staring down at the tumbler filled with amber liquid, on the table, in front of him.

"Jack," the Doctor sat down in the chair opposite his friend, "We need to talk."

"I am not really in a talking kind of mood right now, Doc."

The Doctor rolled his eyes, when Jack knocked back the glass of space whisky, knowing full well that it had close to zero effect on Jack. "Then do what you are in the mood for. Go out and have sex."

The tumbler slipped from Jack's hand and the Doctor sent a quick apology to the TARDIS for the mess. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Jack." The Doctor crossed his arms in front of his chest and met Jack's disbelieving gaze with a neutral expression. "I know that you are frustrated and masturbating, in the bathroom can't be as satisfying as the real thing."

Jack opened his mouth and closed it again a few times and the Doctor refrained from telling him how stupid that looked, until his friend finally managed to get a reply out. Though it wasn't the one, that the Doctor was expecting. "Give me some more time. I will get over it and..."

"Get over what?" The Doctor raised an eyebrow at him. "Your appetite for sex?" When Jack ducked his head, the Doctor only rolled his eyes at him and then moved closer with his chair, until he could place a comforting hand on Jack's shoulder. "There is no need for you to get over it. Don't tell me that I have to assure you, of all people, that it's completely normal to want to have sex?"

"So, you are ending our relationship?"

"What?!" The Doctor leaned back in his chair, with a surprised huff. It felt like Jack and he were having two different conversations, at the same time. "What did give you the impression, that I would want to end what we have?" The Doctor didn't think, he had given any indication, that he wanted to end their relationship. 

"You encouraging me to have sex with other people, for example." The Doctor frowned while he tried to wrap his head around Jack's logic. "You are from the 51th century," the Doctor started slowly and, at Jack's tentative nod, continued, "So you should be used to open relationships or have you been corrupted by 21th morals?"

It was a distinct possibility, although everything he had learned about Jack spoke against it. There was a higher chance that Jack would change the morals, everywhere on Earth, in the 21th than for him to become a conservative prude, by 51th century standards.

"Of course not!" The Doctor allowed himself a smirk at Jack's indignant exclamation but sobered again a second later. "Then why is it so hard for you to comprehend that I would want you to have a healthy sex life, while still remaining your... partner?"

Was that a blush in Jack's cheeks? Yes, there was definitely some colour in his cheeks, when Jack mumbled something towards the table.

"Pardon," the Doctor interrupted him, although he was hearing Jack perfectly well, but he wanted him to speak up. Besides, he didn't have a chance to make Jack blush every day.

"I said," Jack repeated with more confidence, but with colour still high in his cheeks, "That I didn't think, that you were the sharing type and that you would be annoyed that I haven't got over my primal needs yet."

Now it was the Doctor's turn to open and close his mouth uselessly, until he managed to come up with a reply to that. "Firstly, I would never expect you to change an aspect of who you are to fit my needs. Secondly, you are right I don't like sharing but," the Doctor added before Jack could interrupt him, "I don't want to have sex myself, therefore it doesn't really feel like sharing you with someone else, but more like," the Doctor racked his brain for a good comparison, "Like you getting a massage from a professional masseur. It's something you enjoy and that I can't give you." The Doctor smiled proudly at the example and his smile grew even brighter, when the tension, that had been there for days, finally drained from Jack's body. 

"Oh Jack," the Doctor got up to enfold his friend in a one-armed hug, with Jack's head pressed against his chest, "I am so sorry. I didn't think that this would even need discussing."

"It's fine." And it wasn't just a platitude. Judging from the relieved expression in Jack's eyes and how he drew the Doctor onto his lap, to hug him even closer, everything was truly fine.  
Their kiss consisted of a slow dance of lips and tongues and ended with happy sighs from both men.

"I have one condition though." Jack hummed quietly, while the Doctor fought to keep his eyes open, as skilled fingers carded through his hair. "You can't sleep over at a lover's place. You have to come back to me, afterwards." 

It sounded selfish even to the Doctor's ears, but Jack didn't protest and only pressed a gentle kiss to his forehead, accompanied by a promise. "Always."


End file.
